Are you CALM or can you learn to be?

            

Don’t let them see you sweat. Or something like that. Is it possible?

Visualize yourself sprawled out on a beach, panoramic summer sunset directly in fore view. No phone calls, emails, texts, or blogs. No deadlines. No rush hour. Instead you experience serenity as the native language. Ephemerally every breath sends your psyche messages of sheer nirvana. Stress . . . ? What stress?

Then, your picture of calmness collapses as reality sets in when you return to the rigorous life you are accustomed to. Can you voluntarily instill this calmness? Daily? 

Calmness is associated with levels of “neuroticism” – one of the Big Five personality traits that psychologists consider to describe our temperaments. Akin to many human being features, neuroticism is shaped by both our nature and nurture. A central point is that even highly neurotic people prone to anxiety can at a minimum learn to control their angst to give the appearance of equanimity.

A peaceful personality is distinct from the individual who doesn’t care. The aura of coolness is evidenced by the person who chooses tranquility above tension, harmony rather than hubbub, composure over calamity.

Evidence suggests, however, that anxiety plays a role in our health and safety. For example, apprehensive people have fewer fatal accidents. Anxiety is a natural human reaction that involves mind and body. It serves an important basic survival function as an alarm system that is activated whenever a person perceives danger or threat.

Often times however, frustrations mount because we allow them to, rather than tackling circumstances as they arise. Especially during these peaks, value exists in the take five rule: take fives long breaths, take a five minute “time out” (walk, music break, or talk with a friend) and follow the advice from professionals like Stanford University Professor James Gross. Professor Gross outlines five methods for “emotion regulation.” They are:

• Situation avoidance (i.e., steer clear of the source of tension)
• Situation modification (i.e., physically position yourself away from the cause of aggravation)
• Attention deployment (i.e., redirect awareness and/or eye contact away from the origin of stress)
• Cognitive change (i.e., don’t be overly concerned with what a person thinks)
• Repression (i.e., concentrate on keeping your face still instead of blinking furiously or twitching, both often frustration driven) 
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 Vital to health is the ability to find the right balance between calmness and anxiety, and the ability to appear relaxed – a skill as well as an exercise in self control that many people are learning in order to alter their mental interpretation of events. Strive to strike a proper balance between calm reassurance, while also conveying a sense of humanity and care. By doing so, dysfunctional links break between thoughts, feelings, and behaviors as serenity is restored.

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